‘The Breakfast of Champions’ Just Got Way More Serious

A friend of mine recently received the new Wheaties FUEL cereal in the mail and chose to pass it along to me.

I think he was afraid of the box. And for good reason:

This cereal is no joke.

At least, that’s how it appears.

See, there are very few breakfast cereals that I would consider “badass” based on box design, but Wheaties FUEL is certainly in that category. (I think we can all agree that Cracklin’ Oat Bran is perhaps the most badass in terms of taste, though its box — and name, for that matter — could certainly use a little sprucing up.)

Wheaties FUEL lacks no intensity. The box is jet black and each features one of the cereal’s fiercely-athletic co-creators: Peyton Manning, Kevin Garnett, Hunter Kemper, Bryan Clay and Albert Pujols (who’s pictured above). With a back that reads “FUEL UP. BE READY. GO. KEEP GOING. FOR THE THRILL OF WINNING.” you can be sure this isn’t the kind of cereal you eat while lazying about the house in your pajamas. In fact, forget 2% or 1% milk — the only thing that seems appropriate for this cereal is Muscle Milk.

Given the fact that I was about to run a marathon (read: sit on my computer at work for the next 10 hours), I decided to give it a shot. And boy was I surprised.

Wheaties FUEL is like the guy with the tough exterior and soft heart. I went into it thinking there’d be lots of fiber twigs and cardboardy bran pieces — neither of which I’m a fan — but was surprised to find it was all toasted rice and flakes that weren’t made of steel. On top of that, there was sugar (14 grams of it, which is kind of a lot!) and a cinnamony flavor that didn’t nauseate me the way Cinnamon Toast Crunch often does. (I know. I’m sorry, Wendell.) The taste actually reminded me a lot of Rice Krispies Treats Cereal, which was totally Cereal of the Year for me in third grade.

Anyway, the cereal definitely kept its crunch and I ended up eating two bowls of it. For anyone who cares, the milk turns that yellow-caramel color that Cinnamon Toast Crunch lovers live for.

I should also mention that, aside from all the sugar, the cereal is chock full of nutrients. Just 3/4 of a cup will give you 100% of your daily dose of Vitamin E, Thiamin, Niacin and vitamins B6 and B12! (Oh, and 100% of your daily value of riboflavin. Can’t forget riboflavin. What is riboflavin, anyway?)

Bottom line: This cereal is quite tasty and a whole lot less scary when consumed. It’ll never be a “go-to” cereal like Cheerios or Rice Krispies, whose wholesome goodness and cheery box art satisfy people of all ages and athletic prowess. But definitely try a box…

…IF YOU’VE GOT WHAT IT TAKES.